Casual Dating After Divorce: Back in the Saddle After 50

Casual dating is an easy way back in after a divorce or a long marriage. You get the flirting, the nights out and the sex without signing up for another relationship before you know what you want. Go at your own pace, tell partners straight where you're at, and keep the kids and the ex out of it.

How Do You Know You're Ready to Date After Divorce?

There's no magic number of months. A better test is how you feel when you picture it. If the thought of a stranger's attention makes you curious, even a bit giddy, you're probably ready for something light. If it makes you want to bang on about your ex for an hour, give it a bit longer.

A few signs you're in good shape: you can mention the marriage without the old anger rising, you're not dating to prove a point to anyone, and you'd be fine if the first few dates went nowhere. Ready for casual isn't the same as over everything. It just means you can enjoy a night out without needing it to fix something.

Is It Normal to Want Sex but Not a Relationship?

Completely. After years of joint accounts, school runs and in-laws, it's no wonder you'd want the fun bits and none of the admin. Maybe you want to work out what you like in bed after a marriage where sex fizzled out. Maybe you want to feel wanted again before you think about anything longer. Maybe you want a regular root and nobody's socks on your bedroom floor. Maybe you just like your own bed and your own remote, thanks very much.

All fair reasons, and on a site built for casual fun, none of them needs an apology. Put it on your profile and the right people can find you.

How Has Dating Changed Since You Last Did It?

If your last first date was in the eighties or nineties, a few things will feel new.

• Chatting comes first. You chat, then decide whether to meet, not the other way round. It takes the pressure off.
• Profiles do the introductions. A few photos and a short blurb tell people who you are before you say a word. Our dating profile tips for over 50s show you how.
• Matches get suggested for you. On Filthy Over Fifty, suggestions are worked out from age, distance, interests and what sort of fun you're after.
• Video calls come before meets. A quick chat on camera is a normal step now, and a smart one.
• Verification is a thing. People prove they're real with a free ID check or a quick video check with a moderator, and the Verified badge tells you who's done it before you say hello.
• Safer sex is back on the agenda. If your last few decades were with one partner, our guide to sexual health over 50 is worth ten minutes.

Should You Tell Your Kids, or Your Ex, That You're Dating?

Your ex: no. What you get up to now is your business, and casual dating is about as far from their business as it gets.

Grown-up kids are your call. Many people keep casual dates to themselves and only mention someone who becomes a regular fixture. If you live with family or mind the grandkids, "I'm out with a friend tonight" is fair enough. What matters more is that one person you trust knows where you are when you meet someone new, and that person doesn't have to be family.

The site makes keeping it quiet easy. Other members know you by a username, and the closest they can place you is your nearest town.

Should You Go Slow or Jump Straight In?

Whatever suits you, and you're allowed to change your mind. Some people message for weeks and meet for coffee three times before anything happens. Others are up for a drink on Friday and seeing where the night goes. Neither is wrong.

Two things help at any speed. Tell people where you're at: "I'm newly single and not after anything serious" is fair to everyone. And don't let a slow start knock you; the first few chats after a long marriage are clunky on both sides, and they loosen up.

Is It Normal to Feel Guilty Dating After Divorce?

Yes, and guilt isn't the only curveball. It can hit even when the marriage was dead long before the paperwork. You might catch yourself comparing a new partner with your ex, for better or worse, or feel a wave of sadness after a great night, because it shows you what was missing. All normal, and these feelings pass. If they don't, or old grief keeps getting in the way, a counsellor or your GP is a sensible next step, not a sign you've failed.

There's often relief too, and a fair bit of fun. If light and easy is the plan, no-strings sex over 50 is a good next stop. Over 60 and newly single? Sex and fun after 60 has its own page. Read the safety page before your first meet, and enjoy being a beginner again.