Sex Drive After 50: Still Randy, Just a Bit Different

Your sex drive doesn't switch off at 50, but it often changes shape. Around menopause, many women notice a lower libido or vaginal dryness, and many men find erections slower or less reliable. Most of it has a cause a GP can look at and often treat, and none of it means you're finished.

Do Women Over 50 Still Want Sex?

Yes, many do. What changes is often the road there. healthdirect, the government's health information service, says low libido is the most common sexual concern among women, and that the hormone changes of perimenopause and menopause can affect it.

Jean Hailes for Women's Health explains that falling oestrogen around menopause can leave the vagina drier and less elastic, which can make sex painful, and pain is a quick way to go off the idea. Hot flushes and broken sleep don't help either. But healthdirect's list of causes goes well past hormones: stress, tiredness, relationship problems, some pain medicines and medicines for anxiety or depression, and conditions such as diabetes and high blood pressure. A flat libido isn't always about your age.

What Helps a Woman's Sex Drive After Menopause?

healthdirect lists menopausal hormone therapy for menopause-related changes, treatments for vaginal dryness, and talking therapies such as counselling, cognitive behaviour therapy and mindfulness, plus relationship counselling where the partnership is part of the problem. Jean Hailes adds two simple fixes for dryness: a vaginal oestrogen, or a good-quality lubricant.

See your GP if low desire is upsetting you, has hung around for six months or more, comes with other sexual problems, turns up alongside anxiety or depression, or you suspect a medicine is behind it. Those are healthdirect's own pointers, and nothing you say will shock a GP.

Why Do Some Men Lose Interest in Sex After 50?

Testosterone does fall gradually through adult life, but healthdirect is clear that in healthy men this is generally not a medical concern. It calls the idea of a "male menopause" misleading, and says it's unclear whether testosterone therapy does anything for older men with low levels but no problem with their testes or pituitary gland.

Reduced libido can be a symptom of genuinely low testosterone, so if it arrives with other changes, ask your GP about a test. Just as often the culprit is stress, the grog, a new medicine, or years in a marriage where sex quietly fell off the to-do list.

Are Erection Problems Normal After 50?

Common, yes. Healthy Male, the Australian men's health organisation, says more than half of Australian men over 50 have some form of erectile dysfunction. You're far from the only bloke in the waiting room.

Here's the bit to take seriously. Healthy Male points out that the same mechanisms that control blood flow for an erection control blood flow right through your body, which is why erection trouble is often a sign of heart and blood vessel disease. It links erectile dysfunction with a higher risk of coronary heart disease and stroke, and says you're more than twice as likely to have it if you have diabetes. So the GP visit is about more than your sex life. A healthier diet, regular exercise and going easy on the grog, smokes and drugs may help, and treatment runs from counselling to tablets and other medical options.

What Stays the Same After 50?

The wanting. The thrill of being looked at by someone who likes what they see, the nerves before a first kiss, the curiosity about someone new. None of that comes with a use-by date.

Some things get easier. You know what you like and you can say it out loud. Nobody's waiting up for you. And a new partner can wake up a libido that a long, tired marriage had put to sleep, which is half the reason our guide to casual dating after divorce exists.

How Do You Keep the Fire Going With Someone New?

Talk before you touch. Tell a new partner what works and what takes a bit longer these days; it gives them permission to do the same. Pick a time when you've both got some energy, which usually isn't eleven at night after three glasses of red. And don't rush the warm-up, because the slow build is half the fun.

Someone new also means thinking about safer sex again, because infections don't care how old you are. For condoms and free testing, see our guide to sexual health over 50. Sixty-plus and still keen? There's a whole page on sex and fun after 60, and the safety page shows how the site looks after you before you ever meet.